***warning** Mental illness
Does anyone else struggle with anxiety and depression on the daily like I do? I have typed then erased several different topics I have started writing. Why, you ask? My anxiety. I keep thinking, "oh will people read this, will people like this?" Everyone deals with anxiety in different ways, and it also shows itself in a variety of ways. I know this isn't a fun topic, but I want others to know that they aren't alone. There is a happy ending to their journey.
My anxiety started before high school in the form of chest pains and really bad stomach aches. I got on anxiety medicine and was on them for a few years. It slightly helped, but it never really got better. After high school, a breakup messed me up pretty badly, and I decided to go to a new therapist. I was able to get on anti-depressants and new anxiety meds. This was able to get me out of a really dark place.
Fast forward a few months when I met my wife, this is where my happy ending starts. I was able to, after over a year on my medicine, get off of them. The withdrawls were awful! When I went off of them I was nauseous, throwing up for days, and shaking badly. That was not a fun time. My wife was able to help me through this procces and is the one person I can rely on for anything. I can commuicate when I need something or when I feel like I am slipping. This is so important in a partner. Why? Because when it is three in the morning and the baby won't stop crying, you can communicate to you partner saying I need help.
In my case of being a nanny, my wife comes with me 90% of the time to my jobs. We have also kept children overnight in our home. We are very prepared to be parents at this point, LOL. There were a few times I lost my cool, but I quickly realized my actions and apologized. I know these topics are hard to discuss and no one ever wants to seem like they can't handle children, but I have learned for the sake of your mental health just say something. One situation I got very overwheled when taking an infant and a toddler to a museum, I snapped at her causing a few minutes of unhappiness between us. We were able to communicate and say what was wrong and apologize to each other.
My anxiety has caused my to not live my life to its full potential. I am still learning everyday how to cope with my anxiety. Over the past few years, I have learned a lot about myself and the people around me. If anyone needs someone to talk to, tips, or help with a situation come talk to me, you are never alone. There is always someone out there that will listen. Don't give up.